Hope Deferred
by KelliLeanne
Summary: A surviving Jedi healer’s recollection of the fall of the Republic and Order 66.


Title: "Hope Deferred"  
Author(s): KelliLB  
Timeframe: Post ROTS  
Characters: Original Character  
Genre: Angst  
Keywords: Order 66, ROTS, vignette  
Summary: A surviving Jedi healer's recollection of the fall of the Republic and Order 66.  
Notes: This is my first Star Wars fanfic. I have written for other fandoms, but never Star Wars. I have not written fanfiction in many years so I am a bit rusty.

It's been one standard month exactly – one month since the entire galaxy seemed to have gone insane. I'm here alone on a world that is increasingly hostile to everything that I've ever held dear. I have never been this alone. It is only a fluke that I am here. I was only supposed to be here for a few days. I was to supervise the staffing and equipment installation of a new medical facility. It is….was common for Jedi healers to be consulted to oversee some matters in major hospitals on Republic worlds. It was to be a quick assignment, just three or four days, and then I was to be brought back to Coruscant. When I was nearly finished, I was contacted by the Jedi who brought me here and was told that they were delayed and would not be able to pick me up for another week. That was two days before the Republic fell.

A massive disturbance in the Force was the first and only warning that mine and the galaxy's life as we knew it would never be the same. I was once asked by a non Jedi acquaintance of mine what a disturbance in the Force felt like. I compared it to being tapped on the shoulder repeatedly when someone wants to get your attention--impossible to ignore. In this case, it was as if the Force was screaming to get attention. I was so overcome that I could not stand. The medical center personnel that I was working with must have thought I was having heart attack or a stroke. As they were rushing around me, one nurse ran in yelling something about the Jedi temple and the Chancellor. News of a major event on Coruscant was already on the Holonet.

I and many of the medical center workers watched Holonet for the next few hours as the various news organizations tried to sort out the conflicting information that was coming in. My efforts to contact the Jedi, any Jedi, were in vain. The temple's communication system was down. The Force disturbance I felt earlier left me with a sense of dread as I called on all Jedi calming techniques that I knew to keep from panicking. From Holonet I learned that there was an attack on the Jedi temple and there was an unconfirmed report of an assassination attempt on the Supreme Chancellor. I could not help but feel ill as the news organizations repeatedly showed the same image of smoke rising from the Jedi temple.

The medical center personnel kept asking me if I knew anything. They were trying to find some answers, some comfort, and I as a Jedi was supposed to be giving it to them by saying that everything was under control. I heard myself assuring them that there would be answers soon and the Jedi were surely working hard to right everything. I really wanted to believe that.

Almost five hours after the events on Coruscant began; my communications unit suddenly was active. I breathed a sigh of relief, there would be answers soon. All hope was not lost. An automatic coded signal was coming through ordering all Jedi to return to the temple—the war was over. I was confused; Holonet was not mentioning anything about the war being over. I knew enough to know that news reports were not always to be trusted. During the war, Holonet news misreported many events, but they were never this wrong. The sense of dread that I had battled for hours was growing. I had to keep it together though, I am a Jedi, I could not afford to give into fear.

I attempted to contact the closest Jedi, but they were not answering my calls. I was the only Jedi on this world and there were no clone troops anywhere nearby. Because of the crisis, commercial travel to Coruscant was restricted, and being a healer and not a soldier I had no access to a Starfighter. I was stuck on this world for the time being. Finally, the news organizations began getting more information. The assassination attempt on Supreme Chancellor Palpatine was confirmed, but no one knew who was responsible.

I heard many sighs of relief from the people around me when it was reported that the Chancellor was alive. One nurse announced that those who tried to kill him would pay and there were many nods of agreement. The Chancellor was a beloved figure on this world. Those who didn't agree with his actions rarely spoke out for fear of being labeled as treasonous to the Republic. This world was no different than many Republic worlds. The Chancellor was seen as the one who was single-handedly keeping their way of life safe. I remember now, with bitter irony, thinking that those who were so concerned about the Chancellor did not seem very concerned about the burning Jedi temple.

I spent a restless night at the medical center. Only those with families went home after their shifts were over, the rest stayed where they were and watched news reports come in all night. No one wanted to be alone. I tried several times to contact someone, but all I got was the same automated signal. I never shared with those around me what the signal was reporting, I knew it would confuse and disturb them even more. It was confusing and disturbing enough for me, and I was supposed to be the level headed Jedi.

Early the next morning, Holonet news reported that the Supreme Chancellor ordered a special session in the Senate and he would speak concerning recent events. The medical center personnel were relieved that finally their questions would be answered. I'm not sure what I was expecting from the Chancellor's speech, but I never imagined the horror he would unleash with simple words. The room gasped when they saw him, his face was horribly scarred by what appeared to be electrical burns and his head was covered by a black shroud.

When I saw him, my mind flashed back to my Jedi history lessons in the Crèche. During a lesson about the Sith wars, the instructor showed a few of the surviving images of some of the old Sith lords. I remember some of them wore black cloaks that concealed most of their faces. My logical mind wondered then why I had associated the Supreme Chancellor with a Sith lord of old. I tried to push the thought out of my mind, but it stubbornly refused to be banished. My senses were on high alert. I recognized these feelings, it was the same feelings I had experienced when I was in danger. I was tense; the Force was warning me about some threat. I glanced around the room and looked out the windows and door thinking that maybe the hospital was about to be attacked by Separatists. That was the only reasonable danger I could imagine at the time. My disquiet grew when I saw no obvious threats—it was only a room full of medical personnel. I did not understand at the time how much danger I was in.

His speech began with the announcement of an assassination attempt on himself. This was no surprise; Holonet had been reporting it all night. The shock came when Palpatine announced that it was the Jedi order that made the attempt on his life. I immediately felt dozens of eyes on me at once. Those whom I had worked with and had shared the turmoil of the last day looked on me with a mixture of confusion, anger, fear, and disgust. I will never forget their eyes. One of the medical droid technicians finally broke the silence: "I knew it! Those freaks of nature tried to take over!"

As I stood there in shock, I could vaguely perceive the increased noise of the room occupants. Some were gleefully agreeing, others were pleading for quiet because the speech was not over. My lungs then remembered that it had to breathe; I sucked in a large gasp of air. I knew I had to try to calm everyone. It was the Jedi thing to do. The situation was getting out of control and I had to do something. My voice was small and quiet, but, to my surprise, it still got everyone's attention: "Please, please, the Chancellor is not finished yet. Can we hear him out?" That seemed to calm everyone temporarily; though I knew it would only be a temporary reprieve.

I wish now I had not quieted them; then I would have been spared the agony of listening to the, then, Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic declare that I and the only family I had ever known were traitors and were to be hunted down. He spoke of a Jedi takeover attempt. He announced to the masses who were hanging on his every word that the Jedi had manipulated the war all along just to grab power from the Senate. He claimed his disfigurements were the result of the attempt. I knew immediately all of it was a lie but it was such a carefully crafted lie that I knew it would be overwhelmingly believed.

I looked down toward the floor. I could not bear to watch it anymore. I could still hear it though. I listened as Palpatine blamed every loss Republic life and territory during the war on Jedi manipulation. I felt the anger in the room increase exponentially. It was aimed at the Jedi as a whole, but since I was the only Jedi around at the moment, many of them were focusing it on me.

I realized that some of the anger I was sensing was not coming from others; it was coming from me. I wanted to scream at them and ask them how they could believe such lies. The Jedi had sacrificed so much for them. I remembered the many Jedi funeral pyre lightings I had attended and the many Jedi I had treated for crippling injuries. I wanted to ask them how they would ever think we were disloyal to them. The anger was dark and, for a moment, exhilarating. Then I remembered one of Master Yoda's lessons my crèche had received when I was a child: "Anger leads to hate, younglings, and hate leads to the dark side." I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself with the Force. It took all of my knowledge of the Force to cleanse myself of the anger that was beginning to fester in my heart.

Palpatine's speech was not over. The true reason for him calling the special session of the Senate was coming. The declaration that the Jedi were now enemies of the state was just the first act. The climax was getting closer and somehow I knew the galaxy would never be the same. Then it came: "The Republic is to be reorganized into the first galactic empire; for a safe and secure society." For the entire galaxy to see, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine essentially declared himself dictator of the once democratic Republic. He was now Emperor Palpatine.

I judged from the jubilant reaction in the Senate chamber and then excited shouts in the room I was in that Palpatine would have few problems convincing most of the galaxy to follow him. I wondered what would happen to those who didn't blindly follow this new emperor into the future he had so carefully planned. He wrapped up his speech with a call for a Senate vote. I knew few would vote against him. I saw a faint hint of what could be deemed a smirk before he quickly schooled his features. His eyes also had a dangerous look to them that I had never noticed before. I wondered if his eyes had always looked like that.

I had little time to ponder what his smirk and the look in his eyes could mean. Right as the new emperor's pod left the speaking platform, my communications unit, which had been sending an automatic return message for hours, suddenly changed frequencies. Another automatic coded signal came through. It was a priority signal which only a member of the council could issue: "Ignore last command issued… abandon all current assignments and to into hiding …do not attempt contact…destroy all communication devices…ignore any further orders…may the Force be with you."

I looked up to see Holonet reporting the results of the almost instantaneous vote: Motion approved. The reporters said that it was the fastest vote in the history of the Senate. The eyes of those in the room fell on me again. I saw that they were not quite sure what to do with me and I could tell some were afraid of me. I knew I had to get out of the medical center quickly before the authorities were called. Some in the room were heading to the entrance hoping to cut off my escape. I imagine they wanted to show their allegiance to their new emperor by capturing an enemy of the state.

I recalled my training. While I was trained as a healer and did not receive advanced combat and lightsaber training, I was taught basic Jedi self defense. I also had the Force and I knew that it had to be with me if I was to escape this situation quickly. I knew I would have no problems escaping the medical personnel who were rapidly becoming Imperial vigilantes. However, getting out of the medical center and into hiding was a different matter. Thankfully, the Force was with me. I got around those guarding the door easy enough. I used the service lift to reach the street level floor. By then, security and planetary police were actively searching for me. As I ran past one of the guards, I heard him speaking into his comlink: "Begin lockdown, fugitive is armed and extremely dangerous, do not approach without backup."

I knew I had to hurry. If I did not get out before lockdown was finished, I would not leave this medical center a free woman. I finally made it to my goal, one of the street level entrances. To my horror, a durasteel lockdown gate was lowering. I knew it would be close. The Force urged me on; that gave me confidence to do what needed to be done. I did what I was trained to do in situations such is that; I imagined myself going under the lockdown gate right before it closed, and the Force allowed my body to follow along. I dove under the gate right in time and it closed immediately after I made it through. I did not allow myself the luxury of resting a moment after my escape. Planetary police were looking for me. I knew I had to fine somewhere to hide.

The capital city is large; so large that hiding in it is not too difficult. I found my way to the city slums. I abandoned my Jedi robes for clothes that blended in better. As per the council's last instructions, I destroyed my communication device and threw away the remnants. I did not have a lightsaber with me. Most healers had one in their possession, but we usually didn't carry it with us. Our strength was not in combat; most of us were usually only taught a basic self defense form.

I have been hiding in the slums of the capital city for a month. I have tried to leave this planet many times, but I have found securing offworld travel incredibly difficult. I cannot leave by official channels. Purchasing a ticket requires a fingerprint scan that would immediately identify me as a Jedi. Unofficial channels began to seem even more impossible. After the declaration of the Empire, many formerly Republic worlds decided to clamp down on crime; this world was no different. Most captains of unregistered transport ships and smugglers were waiting for this newfound search for order on the part of planetary leaders to cool down. For the time being, they were not taking any chances.

Public sentiment on this once Republic world has frighteningly changed to staunchly imperial. It is not hard to get access to news reports in this slum. Most cantinas have Holonet receivers. Local and galactic news reports are full of nothing but praise for the new government. It was one week after my hiding began that I found out what happened to the Jedi. I overheard one of the spacers in the cantina talking about how the clone troops turned on their Jedi commanders. He said that most had been killed. I did not want to believe it. My mind wrestled with the magnitude of what I discovered: most Jedi were dead. I wanted to deny it but every fiber in my being told me that the unthinkable was true.

It is almost unreal this nightmare existence. This is my greatest fear come true; that my family would be no more. I wish I could wake up and be back home on Coruscant. These thoughts do not suit a Jedi. We are supposed to be able to adapt quickly to changing situations and be able to carry on regardless. When it began there was hope—hope that maybe Jedi were massing on the other side of the galaxy planning some kind of heroic action to restore the Republic. Maybe a group of senators would suddenly see the light and demand Palpatine be deposed. I held onto that hope for weeks, but I can no longer keep it up. My resolve is weakening. I spend my days in this cantina waiting for the inevitable. I know I will be found. It was announced this morning that a garrison of troops will be put on this planet. Sooner or later they will find me and my fate will be the same of the rest of the Jedi order.

I sit here and wait brooding over mine and the galaxy's losses. Most of them have no idea what they have brought upon themselves. I swore to help protect the Republic and the galaxy, but it wasn't a threat from outside that destroyed the Republic, it was within. Its own festering heart poisoned it till it could not stand anymore. During the darkest nights I wonder if the Republic was ever worth protecting. I find that these very un-Jedi thoughts are becoming harder and harder to banish. I try to remember my lessons; but the memories of my old masters are becoming harder to invoke.

So, here I sit, waiting for my inevitable discovery. I hope I don't have to wait too much longer.


End file.
